So I have kind of slacked off lately. I haven't been going to church on sunday, I have been snowboarding with my wife. That's right, Kerianne is learning to snowboard. She is doing quite well actually. I'm really proud of her, and am loving the fact that I can share one of my favorite activities with my favorite person. Anyway, my spiritual journey has taken a turn, and my mind has been focused else where than the church right now.
Kerianne and I have been talking a lot about friendship. I miss having friends around, and so does Ker. But I think that she needs friends more than I do at this point in our lives. I really think that she deserves a good friend too. For most of Kerianne's life she has either been the odd man out, or had friends that don't put in the same amount of effort as she does, which always ends up hurting in the end. If God came down and said, "Okay, I pulled some strings up there, and I free'd up one friend... now, you'll meet this person tomorrow in a chance encounter at a stop sign. Just smile and act normal. But i gotta know which person to send...so you gotta decide who is gonna get the new friend... which one of you needs one?" I would say "Give it to Kerianne" without hesitating. As much as i want to meet people and hang out with some men of Godly character, I want that for my wife so much more.
I don't really know why there are certain people who just get dumped on all the time by their friends. Maybe it is b/c their friends sense that they can get away with murder and so they try. Maybe it is b/c their friends sense a need in that other person that makes them uncomfortable. Maybe it is just bad luck. I don't know.
I can relate though. In grade 7, I lost all my friends. I would have done anything to keep them. But they didn't feel that I was cool enough to hang out with anymore. I'm so glad that they felt that way. What a bunch of losers. Seriously, not just the bitterness talking here, I really am over it. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I learned a lot about what friends were. And then i got real friends. Friends that were there for me when I needed them. Friends that would stick by me in bad situations. Friends that liked me, friends that loved me, friends that respected me. Believe me, I have had great friends.
Thing is, Ker's never had that. I shouldn't say never...there have been a few shiny moments in there. But the people that were those shiny moments are a world away, or might as well be. She can't call any of them and ask if they wanna come over and hang out because it is a 2 day journey.
So, I don't know what this post is about. I just feel like my heart hurts when i think of what an amazing friend Kerianne is and all the crap she has had to deal with because she is not so cowardly to withdraw her heart even after having it stepped on. She still puts herself out there with this easy passion and genuine joy that says to anyone that will listen, "I'll love you". In a world so devoid of authentic love, it is shocking to see how common it is for people to miss this. Or mistreat this. But she gets up every time. She dusts herself off and continues to love. IT is rare for me to see so clear a manifested love than in that of my wife.
~Drifter
