New chapters and seasons in our lives are scary. I am entering into a season of doubt right now. I am really questioning a lot. Yet i don't feel supported. Not really by my friends, more by the church and sometimes God. I feel that God is pretty silent right now, Or at least not talking in the way that I am used to hearing him. It feels like he has decided that he will speak to me in another way. I don't know if I rally like that at all, but i do know tha ti would not grow as much if he didn't force me out of the current shell. I liked hearing him the way i did, but now it's growing time again, so i guess things gotta get hard.
Sometimes i get a little pissed that in order for me to grow I have to go throough something hard. I guess it is the most impacting method of learning for me. I don' know if it says more about God or more about me. But nonetheless, I am pretty pissed. I am trying t ohear him and take alone time, but i'm getting nothing. It feels like there is a block between him and I, and it's frustrating me entire being. If i didn't know the fellowship of God like I do, I could walk away. But unfortunately God is like pringles, once you pop you can't stop. It occurs to me that the last statement may imply that I have been spending a lot of time eating chips....in front of the t.v....by myself. I have not! wanna fight about it?!
I hope that I get a handle on this situation soon. I feel this half life thing might kill me. In all fairness, I dropped him, not the other way around. Maybe I need to be a little more grown up in my relationbship with God. Instead of expecting him to be there like a little kid, I need to man up and just apologize.
Well, until next time fellas. I have a couch with a well worked in ass groove, a bag of tostitos, and a bowl of salsa waiting for me. Later
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