So i have been struggling a lot lately with my relationship with God. I read my friend James blog and one of the thing she said in there, to quote himself (hahahah), was, "God has made us to be authentic creatures, so when people are real, God is not far away."
James hit the nail on the head there for me. I am struggling with God, in part at least, because i am struggling to be authentic. To be real. To be vulnerable. I don't really know why, I mean, I have an amazing group of friends. But maybe i haven't been open with them. Not like i am keeping things hidden from them, I just felt like, i don't know, like i would be boring people with my own stuff. Like now that I am married something has changed. I can't say that Kerianne hasn't encouraged me to hang out with my friends. She has been saying "you should really call james" for about a week now (sorry james, i'm not that bright). She knows how much i need my friends and has always sacrificed for me to be with them. So maybe something changed in me or maybe my friends think that i am one of those guys that has dissappeared after he's been married. I don't know. What i do know is that james is right. Being real and being close to God go hand in hand. I'm kinda sick of the mediocre faith that I have been living. God has become "one of the guys i went to highschool with". I know his name and have memories with him but i haven't seen him in like 5 years...and when I do it is like we give eachother the head nod and make idle conversation consisting of mostly small talk for about 8 minutes.
What i would like to do is be real with what i am thinking about lately. My friend tyler was saying that he feels more unsure of his faith now than he did in highschool. I would have to agree. In highschool i didn't wrestle with anything. God was God, and you can kiss my ass. Now, however, i have become more open to the questions that are hard in this walk with Christ, and by george I have wrestled and fought with GOd on a lot of them. But somewhere down the line, I stopped wrestling. It was as if God was saying,
"Well cory, what are you thinking about lately."
"I'm wondering if your faith will ever truly be alive unless you are impacting the lives aroung you. And I am wondering if you will ever accept anything less."
"Oooo, this is a cage match! This one is gonna be good! You ready?"
"no, that's alright. I'm sure you have a reasonable answer..."
And with every forfeited opportunity i have lost another piece of my faith. So, I'm thinking that I need to get back in the ring with God. But i want to do it with my friends. I want to tackle hard questions as a community and just discuss things. Just do distribute thoughts and then come to your own conclusion later. Not to try and solve these great quandries that have been around sinc eman could think, but just to share wit hpeople you love and trust and then walk your specific path with God and develop you own decision on the matter. That sounds good. So with that in mind I pose this question:
"what point is there in going to church and hearing stories and life principles if the lives around you are not affected by it? In short, what is the point of coming together to learn about God if you are not straining to live like Jesus? And what does straining to live like Jesus look like anyway"
With that I welcome your thoughts. I really would love to hear them. I'll wait.
3 comments:
Cory, Living like Jesus is all about giving and offering people hope in there daily struggle we call life. Remember the sacrament of marriage: To be as a couple the living face of God. And what does that mean? Spreading the word of God, more specifically, giving hope when all seems lost, hope is faith. All you can do in this life is offer hope, what others deside to do with your offer is not in your hands and is out of your control. And yes giving hope is a full time job, inside and outside the walls of the church. Sometimes the messages in church get lost and our as you mght say less impactfull, so help God pick up the slack. ITS ALL ABOUT HOPE!
Hope this helps.
Ian ack primetime
Hey Cory,
I may post again, you covered alot of stuff in that post.
Friends, and being authentic. Lets start with that.
I have to admit, God has gifted me in the area of openness... to the point where I feel like I"m cursed sometimes. I'll share my heart, and sometimes people kinda just sit there like, "okay, that was way too much information." I'm willing to do it again and again, but there are just certain people that God puts in our lives to share these things with. I don't want to be a downer, but sometimes He doesn't put anyone. It can be an amazing time of growth though.
sometimes you just click with people though, and sometimes you gotta put yourself out there a bit.
I find the best thing we can do, as Christians, is to just encourage others to share their heart.
When you ask a guy how's it going, and he hesitates to say, "fine" or whatever, pursue that. Even us tough guys appreciate someone who is willing to hear our whining from time to time. Be honest, as you are so good at being. Like you say some times to me, "I dont' know if this helps, but here it is."
PS I'll respond to you comments on my blog. coming up!
TAwmis.
I hear you friend. I am where you are. There are too many days of late where the vulnerability pill is getting thrown away in my life because I am sick of the pain or the risk is too great. I can't help but wonder about how we chose vulnerability at seasons in our lives. And it's like the only person I know I am authentic with is God. He sees right through me...however the vulnerability thing is equally a choice. I chose to be vulnerable with God in my secret place that only me and God know about...the depths and fibre of our soul...intriguing yes? I wonder as you do about the point...compelled if you will or straining to be like Jesus...the doing comes far too easy in a day and age of fakes...the being, well there in lies the dilemma. I know a lot of committed people out there, but equally they have yet to surrender their whole life to a God who is so dangerous and so passionate, our REAL self is no longer straining but ABIDING and naturally flowing with the love that infects and passes on without end...now that is wild!
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