*****DISCLAIMER*****
I FELT I SHOULD WRITE A DISCLAIMER
FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU WILL READ LATER
I LOVE JAMES LIKE A BROTHER, HE'S A MAN LIKE NO OTHER
BUT DON'T START TO THINK I'M A FLAMER
*****DISCLAIMER*****
Ya, I'm serious. Right now i am in a fight with God. There is a part of me that very much enjoys fighting with God. I'll tell you why. If you walk around the school yard and pretend that this certain kid doesn't exist, and spend months trying to convince yourself, and by some miracle you finally do convince yourself and spend the next 2 months trying to figure out why you ever thought he was there in the first place and wonder whether or not he was just a figment of your imagination the entire time...when the kid walks up and punches you in the mouth, your canundrum has been solved! The warm feeling of your lips swelling up due to the impact from that once non-existent fist will send you reeling back to reality...he exists...and he's pissed. That is why i like fighting with God. Two reasons actually.
The first being that it is impossible to debate whether someone is around or not when things get rough between the two of you. And the second being that God has invited me to do this. He put out a little invitation that says "Come let us reason together", which in my translation becomes "Wanna fight?".
And the answer to that question is...ya i really do. My friend james would be the person that could relate most to this next bit. There is something really relieving about just hitting something. When I used to "box" with James there was always this feeling of anticipation that i got when i thought of getting a solid shot in just under his forearm and directly in the ribs. There was satisfaction when you heard that unmistakeable sound of a solid hit. And you know what, there was even satisfaction when that sound was made by my ribs or my head. It was intense and if you didn't pay attention, you paid the price. Believe you me, i did, hahaha. That was great. Great stuff. James I really miss that, man. Because it was just fun .
Maybe that is why i like fighting with God as well. There is a comraderie that is built in battle and it is a strong bond. Sometimes I need to cast my relationship with God back into the furnace to have it reshaped and transformed into something new. I'm willing to do that. Always have been. I like shouting questions like, "what am i supposed to be doing with my life?" and "where is my purpose for living, what should i do!?". Even though i know that eventually i will be apologizing for being so arrogant, and feel like a total ass for shouting whatever i have shouted, i still feel passionate about it when I am in that moment. It feels good to be passionate about something again. And so what if that is fighting with God?
In the end I will lose. I've lost every single round. A perfect record. But you know what? Fighting with God is a lot like fighting with James. It was never about hurting him. And I never cared about beating James so I could feel like I have officially asserted my superiority over him. It was never about winning at all...it was about being in a battle with someone you loved.
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Well I feel like I must comment only because I have suffered a direct broken rib as a result of boxing with you Cory. And believe you me that punch hurt, that feeling of being completely sucked dry by the crack and the outstanding pain! Sounds like there is a battle going on Cory. I'm glad you chose to box with God. There are so many analogies that strike me as no small matter when it comes to that relationship with the Creator of the Universe. I often was told in my youth to quit shouting at God and stop asking Him those crazy questions. To no avail, I just kept shadow boxing and sometimes I even felt like I was going to win that round. And as usual, I was brought to a place of humility, kind of like that rib being cracked. It was good in the sense that it prepared me for somethin bigger in the next round. Sounds like that is where you are and no one can take that from you. Don't ever forget that God has always said and always will say, "bring it", but "bring your best!" I liked that about our boxing matches. There was no letting up. I remember the first time I let up a bit, cuz I thought, Oh I know better. You know what happens, you drop your guard a bit and you delivered a beating to me! I wonder how many times following Jesus involves a half hearted effort on our part. We take a bit of him here and a bit of him there and then we think we are set. And boom, the right jab comes and we are unprepared...why, because we thought we had it all. God has begun a communication with you through the silence. Think of it this way, training and focus takes concentration and I hate to use this word cuz it's not my favorite, "discipline". Going into training is like a boot camp of silence. It's you and the opposition and no one else. In this case, it's you and your Father who is teaching something so profound, that silence is chasing you down and you can't stand it! Hands up Cory! Keep your hands just above your ears, right around your temples and keep them there. Try and do that for a few hours and feel the burn...get alone Cory and keep the conversation going for a few hours and feel the burn...I just bet the round will be a split decision!...jz
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