So, life in canada has been busy. I imagine that once kerianne and I get things cleaned up at our place things will taper off. But right now it is intiense. We're buying all this stuff we need for the house, and have no money coming in. Neither kerianne or myself has had time to even look for jobs. I think we'll be ok but it is so annoying to rack up a visa bill. This will be the first time my visa will ever have a balance that will last to the end of the month.
So this has me thinking that i need to get a job pretty quick...which means it will probably be something that i don't want to do. That sucks but things could be worse.
Eventually I want to get out of working this 9 - 5 bullcrap and get into something that i am actually passionate about. However, this begs the question: What am I passionate about? That will have to remain unanswered for the time being. I used to think that counselling would have me fired up to go to work and help people through their problems everyday. Now I'm not so sure. I still have to talk to my aunt about this one guy she mentioned that did "adventure therapy". I don't even know what that is but it sounds like something I could really enjoy. Gotta find out that guys name again.
This is such a dangerous time. This is the time in peoples lives where they take that path that they wake up from 25 years later and wonder where the time went and how far back their dreams fell out of their pocket. So i almost want to pursue counselling just to avoid that. But therein lies the problem. By pursuing counselling when i have this lingering doubt (or indifference) in my mind, will I not be doing exactly what i fear most? Settling?
All these questions of what i should do with my time here. Everybody wants to be something great, but Superman was just colors and shapes on a page, nothing more. So to be something great in reality, one must stand for something. To stand for something one must believe in something. To truly believe in something one must be passionate about that which one believes. So, if i want to be something great, do something great, I have to find out what moves me, and find out if someone will pay me to move.
Maybe in the end I will go to school this september and go into a couselling program...maybe i end up working and kerianne goes to school...i don't know. Who can see there own future? I long for clarity all the time. To know where I'm going, or what is on my horizon. It sure would take a lot of fun out of my life if i knew... but a lot of frustration and worry would be gone too. Flip a coin, right? Well, regardless, one thing seems certain to me...it sure is hard to see your desires when the fog rolls in.
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3 comments:
Hey Cory,
my frequent check backs have finally paid off...
Your writing is improving too by the way...
I just wanted to tell you a little story about when I took a year off from school.
That was the last time I did the job hunt thing. I took a year off from school because I didn't knwo what I was doing, and God had put music on my heart in a big way. So I went home to do the band thing with my brother for a year, at least. During that time i got a job at the "Real Canadian Wholesale Club." I actually almost didn't get the job because of my "bad attitude" during the interview. but within a few months of just putting my head down and working, I was working my way up the rankings.
One day I stepped back and said, "wow, this is the lamest job, but I like it. If God would have me here the rest of my life, that would be okay." Looking back at it now, I think that I was nuts, but the point is, God can bring amazing satisfaction in you job, and just in life, if you just work for Him. You know, I can't even say I was 100% working for Him, but i was trying. Your deeds may not be recorded in the history books of this world Cory, or they may. But they will be written in eternity, thats so huge.
Just think about it.
I have to remind myself of it often as I read through pages of tedious education theory.
You will not end up in a place that God does not want you. You will not live an unfullfilled life, if you work where God puts you. Lay your fears to rest my friend, and I will continue praying.
Tawmis.
Contentness is being where you are and living a life of worship to God in that every moment, even when it sucks. I really like the example of your friend Cory. This story symbolizes to me the incredible battle we humans face to just ride the waves. I love hearing of these type of experiences because they encourage me to be satisfied even when the job is lame. So much happens in our heart doesn't it? This wrestle with purpose and contentment are always pulled tight and all it takes is a crisis to see whether it will snap and blow it all apart or whether we can last that kind of a test. I have to give my opinion Cory. I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't. You have tremendous gifts in the area of Counselling. I would be lying if I didn't think you would excel in this area. But you are truly right in your question mark. Passion is vital in all of this. Remember Servant Profile? I can remember how faces lit up when they saw their passion. I remember Karen F. seeing the passion of her desire to work with needy people who needed medical help. I remember Jon Graham light up when he thought about his business. I remember a certain someone light up when the idea of dispelling wisdom to needy people came his way...sound familiar? Cory, let the passion awaken your soul and take your time to work through that. But don't do it alone. You have community to remind you that you can bounce ideas and wrestle and poke holes through this journey. I love your honesty. That damn fog always gets the best of us. But the best part of the fog is the lighthouse beacon. Hope I can do a good job as a friend trying to relay a signal...jz
Are you ever going to write me back? Or are you running scared...? Prediction...pain...Mr. T.
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