How can you really be assured of your salvation? How do you know your faith is the right one. There are a plethora of spiritual paths out there... a lot of them claiming to be the only option. So how do we actually know? How do I know? I was brought up to believe that Jesus is the way the truth and the life, but how am i assured of that?
The truth is, I am not. I cannot know whether my path is the path to God or not. Everyone is faced with this dilemna of deciding their own fate. Everyone must pick a side, everyone must choose. And guess what... not choosing a side...choosing not to choose, IS a side. And your camp might be the biggest if that is what you relate to. The stakes could not be higher. You have to take everything you know and roll the dice, and before the roll, you place your soul on the green felt. You only get one shot, so are you sure you're willing to gamble your soul on your beliefs? I'm not.
I'm not so sure I want to take what I have been spoon fed my whole life and the place my soul on the line in the off chance that someone, somewhere down the line thought this through and made the right choice. I am responsible for myself, and in the end when I face God, I'm pretty sure He isn't going to buy "Well...that is what they told me." I can see Him saying, "But what do you think?".
People will hush this sort of talk because it shakes the foundations of other peoples' faith. It has certainly shaken mine. They will call this "doubting" or "back sliding" or "losing the faith" or even "a spiritual battle". People will probably pray for you to recieve help from God to get the faith back. I think that if I was God I would say no to every prayer like this.
As if commitment is salvation. If I am really committed to being a Jehovah's Witness, and it turns out that Charles T. Russell was full of shit, then the level of my commitment to that will not make my beliefs correct. At different points in history the majority was convinced that the world was flat, disease was sin, and a fat white guy could squeeze his fat white ass down every chimney in the world. Please, if anyone did that much exercise they'd be ripped. But we thought we were right, and would scoff at anyone who said otherwise. The same goes for Christianity. Pentecostals think that Baptists are out to lunch, and Baptists think Anglicans are actually pagans, and everybody, even within christianity, thinks that they are the only ones who have the whole picture. So a search like this will be met with hostility from the kind of christian who does not have a faith that they have developed over trials and crushing and refining. They have a faith built on sand and don't want to be forced outside there comfortable little box. So they stay totally committed. Not to what they know at their core, but to what they have been told. Never straying outside of that...never asking any questions...because questions are...dangerous...questions are risky.
I think it is a moment like this, a moment of searching, that actually squeezes some real faith out. It is not until we break down the walls of what we were told to believe, that our own beliefs will surface. And until your own beliefs surface, you will forever be leaning on the wind.
So I question it. I question everything. Because in that moment, when I get forced into a position of admission, I want to say something that i believe at my core...not something that I was told when i was three.
I think when that time comes, in the end, that's all you really got. Whatever answer you have at the end of your search (if you searched) will be all you have to lean on. And i think that if you are honest and diligent in your search, God will honor that. I have a hard time believing He will be really pumped about the people that were too scared to rock the boat and therefore missed out an a more complete relationship with Him. Being really commited to the wrong thing is just being really wrong. Or at least less right, less certain then you could be. I want to approach God with confidence, knowing that this is the guy I spent my life building a friendship with. And I cannot see that being comfortable most of the time. Ya...that is what I am going to do. Make my best guess. Then roll the dice.
3 comments:
All I can say is wow! That is the most profound read I have ever had. I am thrilled that you not only feel this way but that you believe deep in the core of your being this conviction to question everything. I'm with you. I don't think the answer, "well, that's what they told me to believe" will cut it, not even remotely. I am sick to death of the scandalized Christian circle who can't handle the doubts, the questions and the mystery. I am tired to death of the protective watchmen on the wall who call it their duty to protect the ever sacred theology of some fat bastard who thought he was right and never thought further than the publishing of his fat bastard theology book! I could rant for days on the evangelical church who has problems with each other because that's what it's all about, rather than loving each other and the rich differences that we bring to the table. But rather we would call judgment and fire from heaven to devour these scandalous doctrine breakers who question it all and have formed beliefs around their experiences and heaven forbid that they look a little quirky doing whatever they're doing! I am sick to death of the dogmatics, the utilitarians, the fundamentalists, and the right wing freaks that call us to believe without questions! For it seems to me, the problem Jesus had was with exactly those. The know it alls! The fat bastards writing their theology books when Jesus himself walked among them, in front of them, yes God, walking with them. As like today, when the labels are all we see-the hungry, poor and vagrant beggars-who stripped away are called the least of these, the oppressed and the poor-rather JESUS, walking among us, entertaining God himself, angels unaware. But oh yah, I forgot, I'm just a lunatic for thinking that God walked with me down the sidewalk of Winnipeg the other day, and I had a conversation with Him, oh yah, forgot that this is seen as lunacy, crazy talk, or just Jimmer's illness talking. Forgot about that! Forgot to remember my place...my box...the box God and I live in. Bullshit...I hate boxes...let the questions roll, let the dice hit the velvet table, snake eyes! I forgot...thanks for helping me remember Cory
"There is more faith in honest doubt, than in all the creeds combined."
- Lord Alfred Tennyson.
Good thoughts Cory, though I have one caution.
Before going on a seeking adventure you need to realize that though you've been taught about Jesus since you were young, every day, all day, the world is trying to convince you other wise.
I think figuring out your faith is great, but if you put the Bible away, don't read it at all, don't experience its truth in your life, and you fill your head with all the other stuff the world has to offer, that's not really seeking, that's rejecting.
Crazily enough, God will often come through even if we hardly ever open the Bible, simply because He is just awesome that way, but don't take my word for it.
miss you man. gimme a call sometime.
Good, you're back to writting from your gut. I love reading your thoughts when there honest and raw.
My home # (204) 282-4916
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