So, this morning I was writing a post card to my nephews dylan and dustin. This was my first post card to my nephew dustin. I always write Dylan when I travel somewhere and try to send him unique, amuzing, or meaningful postcards. I was actually writing my nephew Dylan before he was born. This being the first time that i was out of country since dustin was born, I thought it fitting to include him in the tradition, and was excited to do so.
This morning however i was troubled by my feeling disconnected with dustin. I was racking my brain trying to figure out why I felt so connected to Dylan and not dustin. "Well I have had almost 2 years to develop a relationship with Dylan that must be it", I thought, but that wasn't quite cutting it for me. I remembered feeling connected with dylan even before he was born...why don't i feel that way with dustin when he is coming up on 6 months soon?
Then it hit me. I was acting like I loved Dylan before he was even born. Now by acting I do not mean "faking it", I simply mean that my actions were showing that I loved him regardless of what my emotions were telling me. I felt connected with dylan when i first saw him after he was a month or so old... I felt that there was an established relationship with him. And there most defintiely was. Here's the kicker. I taught myself to love dylan through my actions. I thought about getting him post cards, what i was going to write, what i was going to pray....none of it came out of love...it was just something that i wanted to do, but i wasn't moved with passion to do it...i just did cause i thought it might be cool to look at when he got older. But because i was intentionally thinking about him and praying for him, love started to grow. So it wasn't so much love that created my actions but the opposite...my actions created love.
So why don't I feel that connection to my nephew dustin? Because I have not stepped out in action. Not because i didn't care but because i didn't think of it. I didn't think of writing either one of them because i had been in canada for the last 2 years. But now i see that God puts love in our hearts through our actions. I have felt love for people before acting like it as well. SO i do believe that it happens in the reverse... but for some reason or another i just never considered the fact that by acting like i loved someone, I would grow genuine, authentic, and powerful love for them. It may be old news to most of you guys but it is an epiphony for me. The next time I am faced with a situation where i have to deal with someone i don't like and am getting frustrated with them and myself for not being more like Jesus, i will start acting like i love them and watch God make that desire a reality. This is going to be a powerful tool for me. I hope that maybe it might help someone else as well.
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2 comments:
Its really interesting how God will show us the same thing in really different ways... the verse I can think of for this lesson is 1Cor 9:27... but one day I was just looking in the mirror... kinda feeling miserable, and so I just smiled... I sure as heck wasn't happy. Somehow just smiling, maybe seeing myself smile made me start to feel better. This is a good reminder for me too... I just formulated alot of my frustrations into a question: should we, as Christians, be able to change our attitude based on the power of what we should do? For example, Jesus died for me, I should be thankful always, but I'm not. Should the fact that I should be a certain way give me power to change? I don't think so, but feel free to comment. However I think when I go out and intentionally try to be thankful, maybe even just saying the words...God will bless that if its from a desire to truly be thankful. I hope that makes sense to everyone. Later.
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