I have been fairly dissappointed in the effort i have seen from my friends to come to my wedding (This isn't including you jimmy jams so don't even think that....alright...cool). But it is a day when you will need the support of those people that are closest to you, the people that have been there in the past. Thing is, no on ewill ever no how important it is until they are in the same position. You cannot understand what you have not experienced. Hopefully when the shoe is on the other foot, they'll get it. To hear that it has come down to money for people is really disheartening. ESPECIALLY people who don't have a lot of financial commitments right now. I know that money makes the world go round and that it is a reality of life, but my word, if you still live at home, things aren't that bad, sorry. The wedding has exposed some things in my friends that i probably would rather not have known.
And now the big debate: do i speak my mind and run the risk of damaging a relationship or do i say nothing and run the risk of getting bitter and letting crap fester?
The worst part is that I feel like a needy little kid talking about this stuff or getting mad about someone not coming. It is just that i don't see the effort. I see people mulling over and over the same old shite and not actually spending any energy on problem solving or moving towards a solution. Having said that, I am not in these peoples heads. I don't actually know how much effort they have put into trying to be there. I have but mere assumptions. And i know that...but it doesn't make it bother me any less. So I think my plan is to ask if certain options have been thought of/looked into and go form there. If they haven't, then I will keep as much frustration out of it as I can, and just speak the truth about what i feel.
Well, I'm probably not gonna come to any better conclusions than that...got any advice JZ?
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All the stuff that you never knew (and maybe never wanted to know) rolled around inside my mind.
2 comments:
Wow that is raw honest emotion. You know what you are expressing was the very thing I faced at my wedding. I remember how pissed I was at those who chose to say know. Inclusive were those to whom I was their best man. Boy was I pissed. And you know I never chose to speak about it at the time, but I did later and after the wedding. Cory, it is up to you how you handle this, but it sure felt good to get it off my chest. I think you might be wise to deal with this in Cory style. I know this for sure, you know best why the shite remains the same. If your friends are truly friends than you are right about confronting it. Cory, I think your emotion is valid. I wonder about that whole true friendship thing a lot. And in fact, it rips me apart about money that I can't fly down to Abbotsford. I'll tell you this, that there will be another day and someday I want to be there on a different level. But you are right about the things you find out about faithfulness, commitment, and trust. Those things aren't necessarily up for grabs, but they sure do find themselves as a predicament. Never question the love, just question the priorities. Peace...jz
I haven't been married yet, but I thought I'd add a comment just becuase we talked about this, and I have thought quite a bit about it. So here we go.
A couple of years ago, I came to the conclusion that I have to start looking at my money differently. It is a gift from God, and should be used for His glory, so, like any naive Christian, I went about feeling guilty for every penny I spent, and skipping out on every event that included money. This is partly because I was broke however. When it comes to discerning God's will, I often will simply pick the choice which I am more reluctant to choose, becuase the harder choice is more likely to be right... However not always. i applied that to money, and when I had to skip an semi-expensive event, I just told myself that I wanted to go, so this must be the right decision. Not that this was altogether wrong, and it did have good intentions, but like I said, it was naive. I slowly but surely started to realize that God values our relationships way more than our money. I started to see people spend money on me because they wanted me to be having fun, There was something wrong with that. I was saving my money, and they were giving it. I was being stingy even though I was only cutting back on my own spending. Of course, that does not mean that you can go spend $30 on an outing every night and say, "oh I was hangin out with people, developing relationships." Its a balance, like so many things in Christianity.
Honestly, I struggled with going to your wedding Cory, and I would not have gone if you hadn't told me about how you felt about your friends. Even after that I knew that I would be one of the more obscure guests, and that there would be tons of people that you knew better than me there. But you really helped to make me feel welcome and I put the whole thing in Gods hands, and he really blessed the effort I made to be there. I learned alot from that whole thing. I think your friends are trying to walk that line Cory, trying to discern how to best spend their money. Jesus always (I think) chose people before prudence. I gotta learn to do that, but this whole thing has helped me to learn about it. Being honest (but loving)with your friends is always good, just understand that like me, they may not have learned this yet.
Take care.
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