reflection

The summer has gone well i suppose. I was a foreman for a treeplanting crew these last 3 months. In the beginning it was really tough to leave Ker again, but we got as much planning and stuff out of the way as we could before i left.
I wanted to go out to the bush for 3 reasons, mainly. I wanted to hang out with some friends that i hadn't seen in a coupleyears, I wanted to cash in on the isolation and peacefulness of my surroundings (that has always brought me to an activity spike in myspiritual journey), and I wanted to make some money for the wedding/honeymoon. Well, i made some money, but 0 for 2 on the first ones. While my friends were hanging out, i was sitting alone in my truck doing paperwork. And for the same reason I had virtually no quality alone time. Every day off was busy and that made it really hard to set aside time for God. This is something that bothered me alot this summer, and b/c I re-charge when i am by myself (not around alot of other people), I spent the summer driving on fumes spiritually. I am pretty drained at this point. But no rest for the wicked. Got to get a wedding ready here.
Only 3 weeks left. My word. Getting freaked about that. Other thant hat the only life canundrum that i have been thinking about is whether I can actually call myself Christian any more.
I think that if someone asked me I would reply, "No, but I am a follower of Christ." I am so sick of everything that Christians are associated with insociety. I don't think that what that word has come to represent in society is anything close to what I believe or what Jesus taught. And i am sick of being lumped in with every dick that was ever in a church and made someone's life crappier for however long a period of time. SO ya, that and I'm wondering how well I actually know Jesus.
For years I have read the bible more like a self help book. Like God is Dr. Phil just trying to help me live my daily life. While I do think these things are in there and the bible is a great tool and guide for living, I don't think Jesus was saying "Cory, the thing you have to know about the rich ruler is...." or " The aspect of theKingdom of heaven that you will best be able to apply to your life today is...". I am starting to think that i have missed a lot about the gospels and the bible in general for that matter. I have always been asking myself, "what is this telling me about my life" when I have been reading the bible. But i think I am going to start asking myself "what is this telling me about God...or where does this fit in the context of the love story of God and humanity?"
That's what is running around in my head lately. Maybe you can make sense of it.