It's official... i miss my friends. I'm hopeing that the upcoming wedding doesn't eliminate any and all time for me to visit with them. And yet is that totally selfish? I'm not even sure. I guess the day is supposed to be a celebration...and that is best experienced with the ones you love. Either way I am wondering how much being married will change my relationshipss with my friends. I have friends that got married and then kidnapped and killed in a field somewhere...or at least that is what I am assuming b/c I never heard from them again. I don't want to be one of those guys. I need my friends. Which is funny b/c i am mainly an introvert...and I definitely re-charge in solitude. But once you have been surrounded by a group of really honorable and respectful men/women it is hard to cut yourself off from that. I don't even want to. Me and Kerianne have and understanding about that, and neither one of us want that for one another...that isolation.
I think that my friends could help pull my head out of the fog right now. I could certainly use that. THe swear word of my life, "clarity". Messed up concept that it is, I still need clarity.
What i would really like to do is sit under a street light on a rainy night and watch the orange light bleed onto the pavement, to sit and embrace the silence that a rainy night offers and get centered again...feel whole, or full, or there. To make a picture, a snapshot of my life to look at so I can feel like I am living "in the moment". Just sitting in the rain until i catch up with time, or time catches up with me. That would be good.
2 comments:
Reminder I'm married! Most people disappear because of this new change of intimacy. But clarity comes to those who seek it. Sounds like that is clear to you. YOu seeking Jesus. I just bet that this clarity and friend thing is going to be sorted by the priorities you set forward. Corey, I do think that a walk will bring life into those bones but will also bring the white noise down. Find that space to just be. Listen only to the whisper of the silence and know that He is God. Good blog...very real
I realize that there are changes that come into play when you get married, but man james, your married with 3 kids, you still had time to beat me up and hang out. What i'm talking abouthere is fear of neglecting my friendships for a relationship that is not as distant and therefore more convenient. I do not want to turn into one of these guys that was a friend before but then turned into a homophobe (I'm assuming that word means "scared to leave your home"), you know what i mean? There has to be a grace period with your friends for sure...just like the rule me and vandy had: 1 month grace period (you don't expect to hear from your buddy in the first month that he started dating someone). I just don't want to be the married couple that wakes up one day 5 years doen the road and realizes they have no friends.
The white noise thing makes a lot of sense actually. That is what it feels like. Just snow on the t.v screen. I should take a walk. Gotta try and do that today. IT's been pretty busy though...but no excuses...if I am intentional about it, i can make time.
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